Friday, October 24, 2014

identity | infj

All over Facebook the past several days I have seen so many Myers-Briggs personalities represented throughout my friends. I decided to take the quiz and it determined that I am the elusive INFJ. Apparently my type makes up a small 1% of the population. I sent the overview to my dad and Cody and they both confirmed that it summed me up. As I have been reading up on different aspects of INFJ I have certainly identified characteristics about me that I had often overlooked and have thought more in depth about other traits my "type" is known for.

For instance, I have a very strong sense of intuition. Unlike Olivia Pope my gut is actually never wrong. These instincts and feelings lead to stubbornness in situations even when I can't articulate exactly why I have the feeling or opinion that I do. A few years ago Cody and I were going through Dave Ramsey's FPU CDs and something he said has stuck with me since I heard it (although it has no relation to finances because like a true INFJ I don't deal with money very well.) Dave said he listens to his wife's "feelings" because women have this intuition that usually hold true. His wife may not have all of the financial knowledge as him but she gets "feelings" and he is wise to listen to them because they are usually on the right track. Since hearing about the "feelings" I think of it often when Cody presents an idea and I shoot it down just because it doesn't feel right in my gut. I have a feeling and intuition about it.

Also, while reading up I saw that INFJs are perfectionists and think they should always improve themselves and the world around them. In my last post I talked about how I am trigger shy on starting projects I feel I may fail, and I think that is because when you start something you aren't an expert yet. "Don't compare your beginning with someone else's middle or end." I tend to compare myself to others in order to measure myself, but when I compare it is to a much different person's much different journey. I am always trying to better myself, my marriage, and pushing for Cody to better himself. "Good enough" for me is never good enough. I strive for excellence. I believe if you aren't growing you are dying and that there is always room for improvement. Sometimes this can make Cody feel overwhelmed because he takes it personally that I am never satisfied with relationships, always seeking out how to be better communicators, better at showing love and affection, and so on.

Cody took the personality test twice and got two different results. He got ENTP and ESFP. They represent the performer and the devil's advocate. I believe both of these are accurate representations of him. I also believe it is accurate that we are so dissimilar.

As I have been reading up on all of these types as they relate to myself and my loved ones (my dad's type could not have described him better) I have seen how unique each of my friends are. How we all work together to create a beautiful community. Where my strengths make up for other's weaknesses and how others strengths fill a void left by my weaknesses.

I look to God, the creator, and am in awe of how unique He made each of us. He took the time to make these intricate differences that work together and complement each other so well. How we can learn from and appreciate others who are different from us. How we were all created in His image. How His personality has no weaknesses, but all of the strengths He gave each personality resulting in one perfect being. How all of the different facets of his personality are reflected in his children. He is so good. I marvel at how He took such care and thought in His creation. We are seen as good in His eyes and only He is good. How humbled I am. How I hope to treat His creation and His people with utmost care, kindness, love and respect - regardless of our differences.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

poker face

I am not a risk taker.

Last night we got together with great friends of ours. After dinner, while babies and toddlers were playing sweetly the grown ups got out a deck of cards and some poker chips. If Kim Kardashian's sisters find her the be boring than certainly they would think I am about as much fun to hang out with as a rotting corpse.times out of 10 I would choose to stay home than to go out, but bless the friends who will come and see me so I am not a total recluse. Anyway, all of this to say I had to be taught to play poker last night.

Texas Hold'em.

Not only did I learn the rules and not at all the strategies, I learned something very important about myself.

I am not a risk taker.

I do not bet.

I do not raise.

I will fold for no reason on a winning hand because I am not confident enough to take a chance.

Thankfully my good friend kept urging me not to fold and to stay in the game. I even ended up winning a couple hands.

This poker "strategy" (to lose) carries over into my everyday life in every way. You know the phrase "even if you finish last you are still beating the people still on the couch?" Well I am the one still on the couch. I am researching and googling and educating myself of the best techniques, pinning the most motivational quotes, finding the best recipes to make sure I can finish the race, but when the trigger is pulled I am still on the couch. I won't finish the race because I am too scared of coming in last.

For a few years now I have owned an entry level DSLR camera. I have always been interested in photography since the very first cheap film camera my grandma gave me when I was 5. I get it from my mom. Every ounce of creativity I have is directly from her. Since I have had this camera I have taken classes, read several articles, pinned photography tips, looked into starting a business, read branding advice, everything but actually pulling the trigger and taking the steps necessary to starting a business and working toward my dream.

Yesterday, I asked Cody if we could take a trip to see my family in Northwest Georgia. I used to spend a couple weeks there every summer and it holds such a special place in my heart. Cody has never been and he has never met my family there except a quick hello at our wedding. It would mean so much to me to be able to go with him and our kids next fall. Cody quickly responded that he would make it happen IF I set a difficult and measurable goal for myself over the next year. Immediately I thought of photography. Together we agreed that if I photograph at least 24 "sessions" (not including our kids) and at least 1 each month then we will pack up and road trip on down to GA.

I am so excited.

For finally putting my dreams into motion. For making plans to go on this trip.

I am humbled.

Several friends and family members are already planning on helping me achieve this goal and are rooting for me. Their excitement, encouragement and support means so much. I don't bet on myself, but I have so many others betting on me. Its a very humbling feeling and I feel so loved.

I am thankful for Cody who knows just how hard to push without being too pushy. For always being my biggest encouragement and support. He is so wonderful.

I have my first "shoot" on the books for November 2 and I am so nervous, but I am excited and thankful for this opportunity AND looking forward to catching up with old family friends.

We'll see how this plays out. Hopefully I get on a winning streak.